5 Green Things
Howdy Chaps n’ Chapettes! Ugh. Sorry I said that. I’m kinda dying here.
Anyway, how’s life?
…
Yeah, I know. Stupid question.
Anyways. I was in the mood to do some BLOGGING for the first time in a century and here we are! Green is my favorite color so these are 5 Green Things that will distract you from our current hellscape (abbreviated for search engine optimization). Let’s get listicle!
1. Green Room
Starting with the most titular item on this list, Green Room is a horror film about a punk band trying to survive an onslaught of Skinheads after they become witnesses to a VERY grisly murder. Despite the pulp-y sounding premise, the tone really bring the movie down to earth, and the drama SHINES in a rainbow of grubby mowhawkian rad-ness.
Despite being a single room film (like almost every other low budget gore fest to ever exist) Green Room has such a strong thematic backing that makes the whole thing feels subversive. This is the kind of horror that’ll force big questions: What does it mean to be truly self-reliant? What do we gain in our survival? Why do we shroud ourselves in pretense, even with people we care about? All in all it’s character driven, cliché dodging, quippy goodness, that’ll put your Final Destinations to absolute shame.
The acting in Green Room is also a cut above. Patrick Stewart delivers his best performance in decades, embodying a quiet evil that seeps into every corner of the film. Imogen Poots finds the line between broken and bad ass and uses it to deliver a very complicated person. And the gone too soon Anton Yelchin leads with a serious sense of introversion that ends up being more compelling than any loud mouth counterpart could ever be.
Also did I mention the poster is amazing?
If you’re in the US, check it out on Netflix!
2. Snellby Reviews
Snellby Reviews makes video essays on things the world has forgotten. Mascots. Roadside attractions. Novelty phones. The whole 9. Each of their thumbnails contain a sort of blueish green, so I’m adding them to the list.
I think what I like most about these videos are how un-internet-y they are. There’s no trend chasing, there’s no face in the thumbnail, there’s not even a link that’ll promo their other social media accounts. All you’ll find on the Snellby Reviews youtube page is 8, very personal, well crafted, 10-ish minute videos, about subjects with incredibly small built in audiences. And that’s awesome!
Not everything has to appeal to everyone, and while a heavily researched guide to Kellogg’s defunct roadside tour attraction will probably never do very well metrics wise, the video itself was so smartly put together that I couldn’t look away! I’m so glad it exists!
The narration reminds a lot of Sarah Koenig (from Serial) and I was super duper into the idea of walking around an abandoned Japanese theme park based on the book Anne of Green Gables.
3. The Promised Neverland
Note - I went into this show completely blind and it was all the better for it. So if you can just take my recommendation at face value here - do. Skip this review/summery and check it out.
Dude, what even was this show? Like, oh my gosh.
The Promised Neverland takes place in a reality where human beings have been kicked off the top of the food chain. Raised like cattle and breed for IQ (the smarter the brain the better tasting) we follow 3 children as they try to escape their captors and free their fellow 10 year olds. It’s also set in a forest for most of the season, so it’s green too.
Neverland is a thriller, a mystery, a coming of age tale, and wowzers is it good.
Aside from being super unique and tons of fun, the animation is GORGEOUS, the characters are multi-dimensional, and the sound design is un-freakin’-believable. It barrows a lot from classic cinema (i.e. my boy Hitchcock) but has tons of tricks up its own cinematic sleeves. I’ve never seen 2D and 3D animation integrated in a way that’s quite this unnerving.
You would never see this kind of thing made in the US but thank goodness it was made! If you’re stateside, catch it on Netflix, Hulu, FunimationNow, and Crunchyroll. (P.S. Because I’m a filthy scrub I watched it dubbed in English. As long as you’re willing to face the ire of subtitle elitists you can too.)
4. Bush's Pennsylvania Wildlife Camera
There is a man named Robert Bush Sr. somewhere in Pennsylvania. He owns several wildlife cameras that he’s placed in the same (very green) area for at least 3 years. Every day he checks them and uploads any interesting footage to youtube. No commentary. No music. He doesn’t even edit out the digital timestamp auto placed by the camera.
But these videos are (not joking) a highlight of my week.
There’s something so nice about seeing these creatures in their natural habitat. Just going on and doing their thing, as if we (humans) never even existed. Sometimes it’s a group of Wild Turkeys, sometimes it’s Whitetail Deer, sometimes there’s a Porcupine, or a Bear, or a Bobcat! The camera simply picks up whatever walks by…living. And the best part is Mr. Bush Sr. (bless him) doesn’t seem to be in it for anything other than the joy of doing it.
It’s calming. It’s real. I couldn’t recommend the channel more.
5. Infinity Train
Okay, so this one is in danger of being canceled, so if there’s anything on this list you NEED to check out, it’s Infinity Train. A full season is shorter than 2 episodes of Picard, so if you’re looking for some ACTUAL sci-fi pathos on a time budget, badda bing, I just hooked you up AND saved you from watching Picard.
The premise is basically this: there is an infinite train that occasionally travels to our dimension to pick up travelers. Once on board, you are given a glowing green number that will sometimes go up and sometimes go down. The purpose of the number is not explicitly clear. You can also travel between the cars, each of which containing a distinct pocket dimension, some of which, are incredibly dangerous.
…
And stuff goes down.
Now, you might notice that I did not explicitly tell you any facts about the protagonists in that synopsis. Nor the themes. Nor anything that really makes a story a story and not a setting.
This is because Infinity Train is an anthology series, with each season focusing on a different character’s journey throughout the train. This means with each new series there’s new themes, new friends, new EVERYTHING, except the train! The mysteries of which are being slowly revealed to the audience through multiple perspectives across the whole show. You have the main story of the train itself, the seasonal story of the protagonists, and the tertiary stories of the side characters.
To my knowledge this has not been done with an animated show before and I am OBSESSED with the structural concept!
Not only does it allow the team behind Infinity Train a lot of creative freedom, but it makes way for intricate plot work and tight character development that otherwise could not exist. This is the kind of show that’s able to come in hot, know what it’s about, and leave you with some tangible freakin’ closure.
Note - this was a fan trailer I found that didn’t give away anything major. All the other ones do. Beware.
Outside of being this experimental wonder, it’s also actually good at BEING a show! The characters are charming and funny, the story is entertaining, and the animation is fluid/framed well!
Like I said before, it currently hasn’t been picked up for a new season yet, so if you have an HBOmax Subscription, go check it out today! If you were into Avatar the Last Airbender, or Steven Universe, or Gravity Falls, I’d bet you’d be into this too.
Thanks for reading through my list! Let me know what your favorite green things are in the comments section! Also! Here’s a link! To my Patreon! If you feel so inclined! :D